Today is the 28th. I’m taking advantage of a quiet Saturday to write this month’s blog post. I’m settled in my comfy chair, in my comfy office, with a hot matcha latte, and a snoozing dog at my feet, ready to write this post. Almost daily, I look around and am in awe of the life I get to live. I’m turning 47 this year. My youngest just turned 16. Life wasn’t always this way, and I wasn’t always as content as I am now.
Watercolor
I have struggled to get to where I am today. Money was a huge stress, but it wasn’t the only one. Part of me wishes I could go back in time to reassure my younger self that things would get better. Then, even as I write that, I have to acknowledge while things are better personally for me, it’s not true for everyone.
It’s impossible for me to enjoy this moment without recognizing the realities of this current moment in time. Here I am, enjoying a latte while my country says we negotiate with bombs when discussing the current war with Iran. This plus also recognizing how unaffordable things are for our kids. One bedroom apartments cost as much as my mortgage on a four bedroom home. Then there’s the absolute disaster of our healthcare system. I understand I’m not alone with my worries for the future. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and insignificant during times like this. I’m an empathic person and I struggle to understand how a giant segment of our population doesn’t care about their neighbors either in this country or on the planet.
Embroidery
Now, I’m going to share some things that help me. I try to celebrate the good things I see each day. I’m also voting not only in every election I’m able to, but with my dollars as well. When it feels like so much is out of our control, we get to make a decision each time we go to buy something. It took me longer than it should’ve, but it’s been months since I ordered anything directly from companies not aligned with my beliefs. On top of this, I’m trying to shop second hand more, while also trying to shop less in general.
There are also events you can attend, like the No Kings protest today. Or, if like me, the very idea of being in a crowd of strangers makes you want to hide in a blanket fort, donate. There are loads of organizations that could use funding. I personally support the ACLU. There are easy ways to donate right on their website.
Being creative, whether knitting, sewing, painting, or gardening, has been a huge comfort. Getting out of my house to spend time with family, or even play Mah Jong is anther way to unwind. None of these are new ideas, and neither is this one, but trying to add whimsy to my days also helps.
The 20th was the first day of spring. Where I live, our temperatures can vary wildly this time of year. Two days ago, we had the door to our screen porch open all day. The cats loved it. Today, when I went out with our dog Kiba, I needed my winter coat.
It is perfect inside weather. Now, I’m in my office, sitting in my Poäng chair, my feet up and resting on an ottoman. I’m using a cushioned lap desk as my desk. On the tv, I have a fireplace dvd playing, so it’s quiet save the sound of the recorded crackle of the fire. My candle warmer is on and the candle currently being warmed by it is called Red Fruits in the Forest.
Milk Jug Greenhouses
There’s a bird feeder on a tall shepherd’s hook outside my window. The squirrels keep knocking it down, so I had to fashion a brace of sorts to it this morning with a hair tie. It seems to be working. Another thing I did this morning was finish (more or less) sewing my first dress. As is my habit, I winged it and quite pleased with it. My dear friend from Australia, would say I was chuffed with it. Either way, it’s not even lunch time today and I’ve already changed the sheets, got laundry going, sewed my dress, ordered bulbs to plant in the fall, fixed the bird feeder, watched an episode of a Chinese drama called Pursuit of Jade, and had breakfast.
As a creature of habit, I crave routines. I have a morning routine, an afternoon routine, and you guessed it, an evening routine. I have a weekly routine for household chores. I also have had the same breakfast and somewhat the same lunch for months. Change, while inevitable, is not something I enjoy. Still, change doesn’t scare me the way it used to. My theory is all of my routines make it easier to absorb change and be flexible if I need to be.
My sewn dress
As a part of my evening routine, I knit. I’ve talked about knitting before, so some of this might be repetitive, but here we go. Knitting has done so much for my mental health while also allowing me to be creative, one stitch at a time. I read or heard somewhere that the act of knitting has similar benefits as meditation. It’s something to do with the repetition. Knitting, sewing, embroidery, crochet, and many other textile based skills are also known as fiber arts. There are masters of these arts and exhibits of their creations in museums all over the world.
For me, knitting allows me to multi-task. I struggle to concentrate and having something for my hands to be doing helps. This way, I can knit and watch a show, or listen to an audiobook, or sit with a group of people and have a conversation without losing focus. It also scratches an itch for me since I love learning. It’s also a buildable skill. To start, you learn to cast on, the term for starting your first row. Next, you learn the knit stitch, and then the purl stitch. With these three skills, you can make something like a scarf. Though, you’ll need to also learn how to cast off to finish the piece and get it off your needles.
Double pointed knitting needles
From these basic steps, you can then learn how to make increases, or decreases. You can learn how to make cables or work with more than one color. In the picture above, I’m using a new to me, knitting skill by using double pointed knitting needles for the sleeve of my cardigan. Each skill mastered, will open the opportunity of learning another. If knitting doesn’t interest you, there are so many other things you can pick to learn. You could learn a language, memorizing a new word everyday, or every week if a slower pace makes sense for you.
Even though the days are going to be getter warmer and longer, I still intend to knit most evenings. I hope anyone who might be reading this post is also able to find comfort in an aspect of their day. It may be something as simple as lingering over a fresh cup of tea to enjoy the aroma as it steeps, or cliche as it is, stopping to smell the roses, or whatever early spring bloom you happen upon.
The 28th is tomorrow, so I don’t feel too bad starting my monthly wrap-up a day early. As a reminder, my goals for this year are to blog (pats self on back for starting second blog post), sew, knit, paint, move our hot tub (this one ended up being a non starter so I will exclude it (if I remember to) from future recaps), move more, and drink more water.
I’m thrilled to write, I’m still (minus the hot tub) actively working at everything else on my list. Another thing I didn’t list, but I’m happy to admit is, I’m reading more. From time to time I do go through reading slumps. A slump, as hinted at in the term, is never a fun thing. Will I experience another? Maybe. Am I worrying about an uncertain reading focused future? Nope.
Going down the list, I put blogging at the top of it because when I’m not actively writing anything, I tend to be overly self critical with a side of imposter syndrome. I’ll ask myself, did I actually write all those books? Was everything I achieved as a fiction author all in my head? Did people even like my writing, or were they only being nice to me for some unfathomable reason? Having read some of my negative reviews, this thought luckily doesn’t linger like the other ones do.
Actively writing on a semi-consistent basis, is comforting to me. To be honest, this blog is more for me than anything else. In brushing up my understanding of the mechanics to posting an actual blog, I looked up how to use WordPress, the system my website is built with. There are things called plugins, and there are ones that somehow make your site more findable online. For now, no thank you. If you find this blog and stay to read it, consider it the result of some predestined circumstance of your own making. I had little part in it.
The second item on my list was sewing. I have successfully made a second pair of pants, and a blouse. I used the same fabric on the blouse as I did my first pair of pants, and dyed both what was supposed to be a wine color. The result was less merlot and more fuchsia. Since I don’t gravitate toward pink clothing in general, color me surprised (see what I did there?) I like both much more than I imagined I would. In my head, I had envisioned wearing them together as a cute matching set. Unfortunately, they look like pajamas when worn together either dyed or undyed. Either way, I hope to make more things this year.
blouse and pants I made/dyed this month
As for knitting, my rediscovery of this skill has been possibly my greatest recent comfort. I may have mentioned this last month, but if I did, it’s worth repeating. Knitting has been shown to mimic the effects of meditation. With the emotional roll coaster the world outside of my home is, knitting has been a refuge. I knit most evenings, but for shorter periods. For now, I’ve learnt my lesson on overdoing it. I haven’t needed to wear my elbow brace this month. My work in progress is still the Hanni cardigan. I’m currently on the body.
My painting update isn’t exciting. I’ve completed the next page of the watercolor workbook I received for Christmas. It turned out lovely. The one painting a month speed suits me just fine. It allows me to practice, without dreading the action. This way, I’m looking forward to seeing what I’ll get to work on next month.
Now, to the hot tub. Our thought (a flawed one) was to move the hot tub from our backyard to our garage. We don’t park our cars in there. Plus, it would shorten the walk to the tub and make it a warmer one during the winter months. The issue (we luckily learned before moving anything) is you need all of this venting because of the steam. Without it you run the risk of mold and structural damage. No thank you.
Still, have you ever heard the expression, “I won’t tell anyone I’ve won the lottery, but there will be signs?” My sign would be an indoor bathtub I could soak in with ALL my bits covered. The tub we have is annoyingly shallow. Having a hot tub is lovely, but by the time I would use it, I’m usually in bed. I need to be better about either using it on the weekend, or right after work. A pause for you to listen to the world’s smallest violin I’m currently playing for myself. Did you hear it?
My moving more mission is working. As I get older, the idea of potential future mobility issues makes me nervous. Last year, my mom turned 80 and we went to Scotland to celebrate her birthday. She kicked my butt up and down all of the hills and steps of Edinburgh. My focus on moving more became a thing after we got home. In my defense, I’m perimenopausal so I was sweating my rear off while we were there.
Either way, I now try to walk at least 10k steps a day, I do lymphatic jumping in the morning plus squats. Then, in the evening I do legs up the wall, cat/cows, push ups, tree pose, more squats, and front/back heel raises. I hope to slowly add more movements to what I’m doing so far. Lastly, on my goal list was drink more water. Not much to write about, but where I was drinking tea almost all day, I’m now drinking hot water as every other drink. Thrilling, I know.
Goal recap done, here’s what else I’ve been up to this month. I live on the east coast and was able to go out and see the Walk for Peace monks. Emma, Seth and I got to see them walk and were also able to listen to their message of peace. Writing this (it’s the 28th now) on the day we’re actively bombing Iran is disheartening. For myself, and everyone I know, none of us agree with this. The first bomb was called a preemptive strike. Pre-emptive? What the heck even is that excuse. Oh, we think you might hit us so we’re just going to hit you first. Call it what it is, an attack.
There was one morning this month I woke up so angry. Yes, a hot flash could have been a contributing factor, but it was more than that. It was frustration over the idea of people in charge only making decisions to protect themselves, or their buddies, or line their pockets, or their buddies. Where is the actual accountability?
I’m seriously trying to hold onto to the monks message of peace, even when there are times I struggle to. I’m doing what I can in little ways to vote with my dollar. If I’m shopping, I’m trying to do it second hand. Also, before any non-grocery related purchase, I’m pausing to consider if something I already have will work, or if I need it at all. As someone who enjoys shopping, this pause feels foreign. Still, for Valentine’s Day, Seth and I tried out a new (to us) Korean restaurant. We both had bibimbap. It was one of the best meals I’ve ever had (mouth watering just remembering it).
Like many around the country, I watched the winter games, or tried to. I gave up with streaming and ended up watching whatever I was able to on basic cable. When I was growing up, the summer and winter games were my favorite sporting competitions. I’m not sure if it’s everything else on the news, but I didn’t enjoy them as much as I normally do. Before I loved everything, every single event. This time it was mainly only the figure skating, freestyle skiing, and women’s hockey.
Like many, I recently learned I was a Chinese baddie. I was all over this because, as I wrote on my blog last month, I already play Mah Jong. I also have loved Chinese dramas for years. One of my comfort dramas is called A Love so Beautiful. It’s on Netflix if you want to check it out. Anywho, being newly Chinese right before the Chinese New Year on the 17th was fun. 2026 is the year of the Fire Horse. Since I’m a Goat, this is good for me. To celebrate, we had dumplings and noodles and I gave the kids red envelopes. They were on the fence about being Chinese until they got them.
Once the games and Chinese New Year were over, I spent my time stalking a little money named Punch at a zoo in Japan. I had heard he’s made friends but I’m trying to avoid him at this point for my emotional wellbeing. The tears I cried. Though, to be fair, I’m a crier. I also planted more seeds in a milk jug green house.
Here is what I read this month, The Little Book of Hygge, All the Beauty in the World, One Heart Justice, Strange Weather in Toyoko, and the Days at the Morisaki Bookshop. I am currently reading, We’ll Prescribe You a Cat.
Final thoughts to wrap this up, I’m turning 47 in April and I still wonder on the regular what I want to be when I grow up. I have a job, a career some would say, but who am I outside of it? There are 168 hours in a week and on average, I spend about 45 of them at my day job. There are still 123 hours I’m existing. What about sleep? Fine, I get about 7 hours a night. Even if you exclude those hours I have 74 hours to do something with, but what?
Here’s what I know for now; I want to be a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human. More to come on the rest.
The thing is, marketing/promoting myself makes me itch. I don’t enjoy it and don’t plan to do that in this space. My hope is to make this an online journal of sorts. A place where I can share what I’m working on and what I hope to work on in the future. Also, since I’m not actively writing any fiction at the moment, this allows me to still get some practice in, and have an answer to the dreaded question, “are you still writing?” With this space, I’ll easily be able to say, “yes, I’m blogging now.”
So, what have I been up to?
Let’s start with a life update. I’m still married, with three kids. Though, two of the three are now adults, so the use of kids might not be wholly accurate. Either way, whether they can vote and legally drink or not, they’ll always be kids to me. Our beloved Yorkie Dozer passed away. Otherwise, we still have our Shepherd mix Kiba, and our black cat Jinx, plus the addition of two sibling Tuxedo kittens, named Miso and Mochi.
There are studies out there, documenting the impact of creativity on anxiety and stress. I remember reading one in particular that stated the act of knitting had results similar to meditation. After the election in 2024, and the swearing in of a new president in January of 2025, I sought comfort in art. I focused on trying new to me creative arts. Well, newish to me arts. One, being watercolor painting. This art form carried over from the end of 2024, but in my late teens, I did study painting. Considering the fact that I’ll be turning forty-seven this year, I was slightly out of practice.
Still, for the first quarter in particular of last year, I made an effort to paint each day. Now, am I proud of everything I painted? Yes. Did I uncover some vital piece of myself through painting? No. Do I still enjoy painting? Yes. At some point in time, I’d like to become better at drawing, and more so, being able to either draw something from my own imagination, or from the world in front of me. I could somewhat follow along tutorials and my drawings turn out, not awful, but it’s still mimicking someone else.
I forced myself to complete a painting (in a small workbook) daily. I got burnt out fast.
For now, I plan to paint monthly versus daily, and for this year, paint my way through the workbook, Brushstrokes in Bloom. This book was a Christmas gift from my dear friend, Nasha. There are twelve paintings to complete and I hope to finish one each month.
Another art form I re-explored this year was knitting. I learned how to knit ages ago. I wanted to recreate wool sweaters into a fabric I could tolerate, since I cannot handle wearing even the slightest percentage of wool. Problem is, while I mastered the knit stitch, and the purl stitch, I could not figure out how to read a pattern. It was the increases and decreases around necklines in particular.
I could knit, but everything I made looked extremely handmade and not in the good way. One of my goals for 2025 was to actually learn how to read a pattern. Funny thing is, it was time more than anything else that helped me achieve this goal. When I struggled to understand a knitting pattern, the patterns were full of confusing abbreviations so the text could fit all on one page in a book or magazine. The patterns nowadays are PDF downloads and many pages long. My issue resolved itself with the long form way knitting patterns are written today.
It also helped that I selected patterns made by designers many agree are beginner friendly. When it became clear to me I could finally knit all of the sweaters and cardigans my previous self could only dream of, I was knitting like crazy. While I still knit today, I had to slow down because the daily hours of knitting were hurting my fingers, wrists, forearms, and elbows. Like with painting, I have slowed down.
Now, to writing. In 2025, I was writing, but nothing with the intention of publishing. My last book was published in 2018. It was the fourth book in my Fix Series. After that, I did write a middle grade book that I sent to my agent. My agent wanted it to be longer before he tried to sell it. Then the pandemic happened and I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to re-write it longer. During that time period, I wasn’t reading much either.
My mind was on other things. Remote learning for our youngest was an adjustment, and there were other family concerns taking center stage. We also sold our home, and bought another. The move was mentally exhausting, but I don’t regret it. This is now our fifth year in our new house, and it was a great decision for our family.
In late 2022, or early 2023, I discovered fanfiction. Now, being an avid reader, I had been aware of its existence for many years, but never read any prior to the retitling and mass market publication of former fics. Fifty Shades of Grey is a famous example of a book that was originally fanfiction. What changed for me was the discovery of AO3, Archive of Our Own website. While new to me, it was by no means new. Still, the ease at which to navigate the site and download a fic to read made my path to reading fanfictions very smooth.
My gateway fic was Measure of a Man by Inadaze22. This fic is an enemies to lovers, reimagining of the characters from Harry Potter, ignoring the epilogue. In it, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy meet again as adults many years after the battle at Hogwarts. It was slow burn and I loved it. Then, I dove headfirst into reading tons of Harry Potter fanfiction, then Star Wars fan fiction, then Jane Austin fanfiction.
Interesting tidbit about fanfiction, the reason the majority of these books aren’t sold is the source material is still under copyright. Now, there are loads of Jane Austen variations for sale at every bookseller, because it is considered open source material. The Other Bennet Sister, is being made into a miniseries by the BBC. I consider it fanfiction. So, if you have negative opinions about fanfiction, please consider it more kindly in the future.
By now, I’ve given multiple examples of how I fixate on something and then proceed to overdo it on said thing. Well, this is no different. From reading, reading, and reading a ridiculous amount of fanfiction, I did the only rationale thing I could think of. I started writing fanfiction. I wrote two. One was over 92,000 words, and the other over 108,000 words. While I don’t have a list of the exact word counts of my published novels, none are as long as either of those fics. During that time, I was also off and on (more off than on), writing a fantasy novel. I haven’t completely abandoned it, but I’m not sure if I’ll get back to it or not. This blog is my writing practice until I decide to write something else.
Now, back to reading. In 2025, I read so much I got burnt out. I read very little the last four months of the year. I’m reading again, both print and audio. I read Welcome to the Hyunam-Dong Bookshop and listened to Tiny Beautiful Things. Both were lovely. I’m currently reading One Heart Justice and listening to The Little Book of Hygge.
Another thing I did in 2025, was join a MahJong group in my neighborhood. When I was a little girl, one of my aunts taught me how to play and gifted me a set. Over the years, I had forgotten how to play, so this was a fun reintroduction. I discovered the version she taught me was the Chinese one, and the version I play now is the American. Either way, I think of her each time I play. If you’ve ever considered learning, there’s a great app called MahJong 4 Friends. It lets you pick which version you’d like to play and offers suggestions to help you along.
To summarize so far, in 2025, I overdid it painting, knitting, reading, and writing.
Whew, well done me.
Now, for fun, in 2026, I’m learning some new skills. On Christmas Day, I was given an antique sewing machine from a neighbor of my sister. Like knitting, sewing has a language of its own and I’m enjoying learning it. So far, I’ve made two pairs of pants, one wearable and one not, and a skirt. I want to make fun clothes this year. Another skill I’m learning, is embroidery. This skill might come in handy with the whole make fun clothes agenda.
In addition to these, I’m trying my hand at winter plant sowing. To do this, you plant seeds in an empty milk jug, and the jug acts like a greenhouse during the winter months. There is an order to which things need to be planted based on your last frost date. I’m focusing on flowers and so far have planted coneflowers. They are native to my area, so in theory, they should thrive. More to come on how successful I am with my seeds. In the past, I would claim a black thumb, and while not green, I believe I’m solidly somewhere in-between now.
With everything else, I’ve also decided to start a personal hand written journal in cursive. I don’t plan to write daily, but weekly or every other week.
Lastly, in 2025 I was so heartbroken over the political shift in the U.S., that I believe I aggressively tried to settle my nerves with focusing on my creative passions. I tried to paint, knit, read, and write my way to mental peace. While it possibly worked in the short term, it is not a long term solution. November 2025 was a bright spot in the year politically with the election victory of my state’s first female governor, there is more to do.
Currently, I’m taking action with my dollars. I am boycotting businesses I morally disagree with and supporting those I do. I’m also donating funds to organizations defending our constitution and the rights of citizens and immigrants. I was raised on the idea this nation is great because we are a melting pot. I plan to continue to remain hopeful for the future of our country, while counting down the days to the midterms.
Those are my goals, but I could be forgetting something.
This was a very rambling post. A warning, that is unlikely to change in the future. My hope is to update these monthly. We’ll see.
In them, I hope to tell you how my sewing, knitting, embroidery, painting, gardening, mahjonging, reading, writing and being a pro democracy fan is going. I want to take my lessons from 2025 and not overdo any of these.
Hi blog. Long time, no see.
A lot has happened since the last time I posted. Main thing, a global pandemic. We stayed at home, working and doing school virtually. During this time, we also sold our home, and bought another.
One thing I haven’t done, in the months/years since My Perfect Fix came out is, write another book. Well, I haven’t released another book is more accurate.
After The Fix Series, I switched genres, and wrote a middle grade fantasy book. My youngest was my beta reader. My first draft was done, and I sent it to my agent. Going the traditional publishing route seemed to make more sense versus self-publishing. My agent loved the concept.
He only wanted me to make it longer. Thing is, it was April, 2020. In the U.S., over 50,000 people had died. My main character was contemporary 12 year old girl. I didn’t know how to make my book longer without writing COVID into it. I’m not sure when, if ever, I’ll return to this book.
So, instead of writing, this is when I decided selling our house and buying a new one would be a good idea. Thankfully, it was an awesome idea, and we’re thrilled with our new house. Only, any thoughts of writing (or not writing), took a backseat to prepping, staging, showing, and then selling our old house. Then, finding and buying our new house in a crazy market.
Week after week, we made offers on houses. Offer after offer were rejected. We were so lucky to finally find and get our new house. To sweeten the deal, we would have offered the sellers our first born. Since they knew him (true story), they asked to rent back instead. Our previous house was already sold, so we ended up camping out at Seth’s mom’s house. It was an adjustment, but well worth it to get the new house.
With everything going on, my not writing didn’t seem odd. I kept telling myself once we were settled in the new house I would start my next contemporary romance or women’s fiction book.
Next month, we’ll have been here for a year. We are unpacked and pretty darn settled, and I’m still not writing. I’ve started, and stopped writing two different books. I remember once hearing writing was like a muscle. Since it was like a muscle, regular exercise (writing) was the best way to improve your craft, and avoid writer’s block.
I bought a journal, with daily prompts in March. Since then, I’ve written in it almost daily. I’m exercising my writing muscle. Problem is, these entries are a paragraph or two at most. I’m hoping this blog will be my next step in exercising my writing muscle.
I’ve always been a reader and writer, but I never imagined I could put all of the stories in my head to paper. As a busy mom who was trying to keep my household running, taking care of my family, including a child with special needs, and working part-time outside of the home, there just wasn’t much left for only me. One night in 2012, when the house was quiet, I just started writing. It was amazingly cathartic. Writing gives me an identity that is all my own.
What is one thing you wish you knew before you published your first book?
I really wish I knew how important a professional editor was. I published my first book in 2012 after having friends and family “edit” it. Needless to say, it didn’t work well. I ended up having it professionally edited soon after, and would never publish without going through several edits now. It is so important, and believe me, your reader will make sure you know it. 😉
What is your current favorite book? (since I know we all have more than one 🙂 )
Ugh! It is so hard to choose…I guess the book I finished most recently that has stayed with me over the past couple weeks was, The Silent Waters by Brittainy Cherry. The girl can write!
Do you have any book signings coming up? (if so, when & where?)
I’m done for the year of 2016. I have several in 2017. I think I start with Authors in the City in Raleigh on 3/11.
What is one of your secret (or not so secret) obsessions?
Wine and Dark chocolate, and usually together. Give me a good book, a glass of red wine and a piece of dark chocolate, and I am as close to heaven on Earth as you can get.
Book Spotlight!
F*cking Awkward Holidays
25 Authors, Awkward Sex, Epic Cause!
– Synopsis –
Holidays conjure up many thoughts – long, chilly nights snuggled up by the fire, bare feet tucked under the one you love. Some are hallmarks of summer when your skin is warmed by more than the sun. There is the after-Thanksgiving dinner nightcap, and the feel of the smooth, sultry burn of whiskey warming your chest, rendering your limbs heavy. Or lazy kisses and wandering hands beneath your best dress on a romantic Valentine’s Day date.
But sometimes, Grandma gets boozed up and passes out at the table, your brother gets caught rubbing one out under the fireworks, your kids catch mommy kissing Santa (and not on the lips), your special new toy winds up in the wrong gift bag, a goat steals and wears your sexy new thong and watching the ball drop takes on a whole new meaning.
In other words, the holidays can be magical, but sometimes, they’re also just f*cking awkward.
Special Foreword written by USA Today Bestselling Author, Tara Sivec’s dog, Fat Ralph.
After The Fix Series, I switched genres, and wrote a middle grade fantasy book. My youngest was my beta reader. My first draft was done, and I sent it to my agent. Going the traditional publishing route seemed to make more sense versus self-publishing. My agent loved the concept.
